Growing up ain't that much fun

Recently, I have had to hand in a form which has a very big influence over my future 'well-being'. The form contains the location that I am applying for my housemenship training after graduation. Without much hesitation, I've decided that I want to be posted in either Penang island/mainland/Sg. Petani. Its not like I have a choice anyway. If not, the 3 choices would have been Penang Island x3.

To be honest, certain things are really troubling me. From the final final exam of my undergraduate programme(hopefully?), to the future work and work place. Final exams are always a headache for me, as I have not really enjoyed the things that I have been taking since I have left mathematics. Its just so very difficult for me to memorize things.(or maybe I guess I am just lazy?) Deep down, I know I have been panicking as I have just turned myself completely away from studying lately, putting my leg completely off the pedal. I have to pull myself back together and walk this last walk confidently, but it seems I need some extra motivation which have been lacking in my study.

Working in hospitals, as a doctor, seems so unlike what I've hoped for in my life. Yes, being a doctor is a sacred job. But, it is also a scary job. There can't be another job that is as delicate as handling a patient's life and death. Every decision you make counts, every second counts. One wrong move, and 'puff', your patient's gone knocking on heaven's door(or hell maybe?) Nevertheless, its not this that worries me. Instead, it is the long working hours that will threaten what I have always wanted- my freedom. I love my control of myself, my time, my activity. But then, once work starts, there's a total lack of control over my life. Sigh...

Its obviously hard to be a grown-up, but then again, its not easy growing up either....